...it's almost here

The accomodation office at the university I am going to be going to still hasn't got back to me. Imagine you are wrapped blindfolded and you are made to walk towards your firing squad as opposed to them aiming their barrels at you -- that is exactly what if feels like. I have written numerous emails and sent them everything yet in return, I just receive annoying Bank statements and not that confirmation - it might as well be the Grail to me. My worst case scenario is arriving there and going to the accomodation office and me being turned away! If they do that, I will buy my first ticket to the land of rejected exchange students.

I am going to London tomorrow to try and fix the big messes I am in and I'm flying to Paris then Martinique (hopefully) on the last day of August (why is there NOT a direct flight from London? British Airways, get on it or I'll write to Mr.Branson). This is most likely going to be my last post until I reach the capital of Martinique, Fort-de-France so wish me luck! I'll be updating the blog as soon as I get my hands on Internet (and it sure won't be the French version called Minitel!)

~A

Beyonce & her Broken Heart ?

Beyonce - Ring The Alarm (Full Video) (08.15.06)

I'd like to hear any opinions on our favourite or unfavourite Bouncy Knowles. This is her new track video and she looks absolutely crazy and ridiculous! I do like Beyonce - bought her first album but what is with the constant craziness of looking like she is locked up in a cage? The army get up is nice though!

I better integrate!

I have returned back to the hills of Bristol and England's dripping weather after a cool fortnight in Kenya & Tanzania (btw, the weather there was gorgeous!). But there is trouble brewing here and it is has everything 2 do with Martinique > I still haven't got a visa and like Tacha, I have a severe case of cold feet. I just feel so...unsure. Throwing yourself in a foreign country where you don't speak the language or know the customs is scary > what if I committ a serious faux pas and everyone anoints me as the social outcast?

Lol, okay, so I am being slightly melodramatic but I am real worried. Martinique is 6000kms from Europe and will take 12 hrs from London to reach >> those beaches better make me melt! I was told by a certain someone that the people in Martinique are known 2 be slighly unfriendly. The Panther tells me that Caribbean people are friendly though and it is a generalisation 2 assume all people are horrible etc. But on the whole, even if you live abroad or the country of your birth, is it just me or does anyone see how unfriendly as a human race we are?

Sometimes when I go into a shop with friends or family, deep looks from certain people in there just make the atmosphere a bit too intense> it is a place of commerce, not a changing room! Why do we immediately assume that someone we don't know deserves a death-stare instead of a smile?

I am not saying all Martinicans will be unfriendly but I am the kind of person who will be nice 2 anyone who is nice 2 me and I'll make an effort 2 chat 2 people but none of this running around after people rubbish. That is when people think they can steam-roll over you and I am sure not being flattened. for NO ONE.

On an even scarier note, the accomodation office said that we will only be given temporary accomodation before we have to find our own flat there. We can only stay in the temp accomo for 3 days or so! It is going to be disorientating but a challenge and the latter is good for character building (*rolls eyes at herself - i sound like a pseudo-motivational speaker - ignore me*). I just hope we are given nice rooms, not plush like something Nicole Richie is used to but you know, something to live in! All those tortured artists can do with living in dumps but I sure as hell am not counterfeit to pretend that I dont like the feel of hot water!

~A

Identity

Why of why do people who do not know you try and label you? We live in such a categorical world but it is a shame. I don't understand why some people just cannot quit in judging peolpe and trying to make them feel inferior and simply to get a rise out of them. What is the point in that? Why don't you just worry about your own business and make that cushy instead of mine? Someone answer this riddle for me please!

I wrote this poem, just out of a whim, it isn't personal as such or it could be. I'd like to hear some opinions on it if anyone reads it (I dont have a name for it yet):

In their mouths, sambo and bounty exist as air does
the sharpness of these words pricks me, the emotional pain
of the insult hurting more than the blood and ever-present as the scar.

In their minds, I hate our sepia skin and crave the flesh of the opposite
In their hearts, they think I am a copycat, on the prowl for someone else's culture
In their eyes, I have many names: uncle tom.wannabe.
So many labels...yet only one name represents me: Black

Blogger is so annoying btw!

~A

Heathrow: The Aftermath

Where do I start? Where to begin? I had the unfortunate luck of being at Heathrow Airport on the 10th of August when all the craziness happened. If you havent heard about the attempted terrorist attacks on multiple planes, then you have been living underneath a rock. It was manic, chaos and unbelievable. I won't try and bore anyone with my story of how it was an awful day and missing flights and lost luggage but what I will say is those terrorists need to sit down and think for a minute -- what is the purpose of killing innocent souls? Fine, so you are trying to make a point but WHO CARES? We all suffer whether it is in a big or small way. I know the political climate today is very intense but we are all allowed to have opinions. For me it isn't about religion or disenfranchised youth or even about racism -- it is about ego and power. Everyone is fighting to be on top but it does not have to include children and families going on holidays or returning home. I know the world has anti-British and American sentiment on the whole and I am not British but after being there that day, I have seen that it isnt America or Britain's govt that will suffer, it is the poor families at home of the victims that suffer.

At least Scotland Yard got on it and foiled it...just in time

Generalisations are the bane of my university life!

While waiting for the long train back to the hills of Bristol from my day trip in London (which was brilliant!), I went to WHSmith to get some reading material (I need to join Fashion Magazines Anonymous - I am addicted) and I bought a black hair care magazine as this girl's hair needs constant TLC and attention. Flicking through and there were some cute hairstyles here and there, then there was a section of fine men giving their opinions on what kind of woman they liked and what kind of hair. Some DRY newcomer called Jovan-something-I-wanna-be-Chris-Brown was asked about his hair. He said that he used to always get it cornrowed yet that was boring him now as he hated sitting down. But since he spent lots of ''effort'' getting his hair done, he expects the same type of treatment that his woman should do. Then he just put himself up for Cardinal sinner of the YEAR when he said that he loves to see ''long hair'' on the back of a woman because it's exciting to see what she will look like on the front!

Say it with me -- he is a complete and utter Troll. What the hell is his comment supposed to mean? So I guess stunning women such as Nia Long and Halle Berry's short pixie haircuts make them not as attractive as say Donatella Versace who isn't exactly the most bodacious Italian babe? Men truly do confuse me sometimes. I don't care if people think everyone has their tastes etc because that is true, I am not refuting that. What really winds me up is men who judge based on appearance like that! So a woman with short cropped hair isn't as pretty as a woman with long hair? I have heard through some biological sources that long hair is associated with fertility but it is completely foolish to judge that a woman will be pretty from the back simply because she has long strands of hair.

And for the record Jovan, you are an idiot because cornrowing is a traditional African style for Girls, not Boys, yes, my friend, it is for your female counterparts and if you ever came to my homeland (Tanzania) with those braids on your head, you would be looked at like you were less than a man and a girly man so Jovan, what would you think if my mum generalised you? (which she would simply to see the crestfallen look on your face).

p/s -- train stations in england are freezing cold. here's a note to the owner of paddington train station: find a heater and put it in there!

Postcards...

When I told a relative about how I was going to write a blog for the year abroad, that person wondered why I was writing it now since I had not yet gotten there. As I explained that I was trying to build anticipation and vent about how I was feeling about it, the person still just...did not understand. In the hope of creating understanding, I informed the human being that it was to document my preparations for it, the person replied by saying that it looked like a postcard... So much for support but it seems like sarcasm & bite is the cocktail du jour amongst blood relatives these days! I may not be fluent in HTML but this isn't a damn postcard thank you very much; it is just an attempt to try and reach out to people who are in the same situation as me, people who are terrified and excited about going to a foreign country and live there. The last thing I need to hear is about how the graphics aren't exactly great -- is that person trying to hint that I should leave university and start designing postcards for Borders and Waterstones?

Families can bring so much joke and confusion in one intense conversation; sometimes I wonder if in some hypothetical world where reproduction does not exist and families ties are invisible, would we actually like the members of our family? Cynical, maybe and off-topic from Martinique, definitely but the words I heard from that person have my brain going into over-drive.

Bottomless Pockets

A good Samaritan told me to get a Medical Certificate for Martinique as I would be stuck at home doing no activities otherwise (French protocol is as tight as the hanger's noose). I decide to brave the hills of Bristol and make my way to the Student Health Service, hoping to walk out of there with the piece of paper in my hand (call me anti-sick but I hate the smell of the doctors).

''You'll have to pay £13 for the standard certificate of health''

Before I get bombarded with people saying the NHS needs money and £13 is nothing etc, let me just say: I don't want to hear it. It is an institution that was created to help people therefore it should do that and provide support. If 13 year old girls can get abortions for free (correct-me-if-I'm-wrong), then what about people who just want a piece of paper saying that they are healthy? Is that too much to ask?

I'm not angry at the secretary, she needs to eat and if reciting those painful words means she can afford a can of Coke, good for her however that does not take away from the fact that this country is putting its' long arms into students' tiny pockets and making sure that we are sucked dry. Don't forget the presence of tuition fees people -- those 17 year olds are members of the poorhouse even before the ink on their UCAS form has dried and not to mention international students who pay what Paris Hilton would pay for a handbag.

Maybe I am too much of a complainer but that is what university does to you...

~A

Emails & Mosquitos

I do not think I am the only person preparing for the year abroad that HATES the uncertainty that the organisers just exude. They proclaim 'If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to ask' but oddly enough your inbox is empty besides the the spam emails about implants, frozen bank accounts etc. Is it so much to ask to actually have a faint idea about what the hell is going to happen to you?

However, the Panther told me the Caribbean vibe is cool & laidback and here is one reason for me to be calm in Martinique:

(T is apparently a Martinican boy...jealous anyone?)

Just as long as Thierry Henry doppelgangers keep me away from this hench, troll-like thing then la vie est belle.