french froideur in the caribbean?

I finally arrived. Audrey, I am sorry the update has taken years but the amount of rubbish I have had to deal with since getting here has been of EPIC proportions (the internet connections here are non existent n there is hardly any at uni n i dont even have a net account at uni as i have to wait 10 days for it to be activated! so am at an internet cafe at the moment)

The observations I have made since being here for 12 days are mixed and are as follows:

1° Martinican heat is the metereological equivalent of the electric chair! Weaking your spirit as well as your body. I fainted whilst coming back from church my first sunday here as the heat here is worse than african heat in the sense that it is humid and not dry!

2° Martinican people are a mixed bag of M&Ms -- i'd say most of the ones i met have been extremely extremely cold and i have tried to mix with locals and students but people here don't seem interested in getting to know other people. Maybe they are suspicious but there have been times where they have been so blatantly rude and literally laughing at you just because you are different to them. Then they have been the odd gems who are so lovely and honestly I have only met 3 or 4 people like that out of many people...

3° The race situation here is very prickly and rooted deep in pain. I have a lot more on it but there seems to be a dichotomy of severe hate towards white people mixed with a suble, subconscious reverence of white people which manifests itself in the racism amongst black Martinicans with some light skinned people feeling superior to dark skinned ones. One Martinican woman told me that sometimes light skinned people get served before dark skinned ones in shops yet the feelings of blackness here are so deep and strong.

4° The towns of Schoelcher and Fort de France are contrasting mixes of tranquility and hustle and bustle. The uni is situated in Schoelcher but everything is in FDF. My camera is acting up today but I will soon have a post full of the sights of the island for your viewing pleasure!

5° The men...lord...the ones who the foreign girls at uni have met have been persistent perverted and their attitudes are completely messed up in regards to women; they fully believe they are within their right to call u 'putes' (whores) on the road if you don't like them back. It is so crazy over here in terms of safety; women arent free to roam around and once the sun sets at 6.&(pm, all women are inside and for good reason, Fort-de-France is known to be one of the most dangerous towns in the Caribbean.

My head is like jelly all over the place and I have so much to say but so far those are the big observations I have made for the first 12 days. Tell me what you think and the pics will be up soon! Sorry it has taken ages but net here is like looking for a needle in a haystack!

~A

disturbed...

I am a passionate lover of fashion. So that is not entirely new in a young woman but for me, it isn't just buying clothes in your local shopping centre, I simply love studying clothes on people whether it is in magazines or the street and seeing how they define people. What you wear most of the time defines who you are. If you like something, you'll put it on. Now, that brings me onto my point of being disturbed by the state of mainstream fashion today. I was flicking through my monthly supply of fashion magazines (annoyed at how the fashion spreads are just completely lacking these days) when I saw this advert:

Alberta Ferretti is a female Italian fashion designer who shows at Milan Fashion Week. This is an editorial advert for her Autumn/Winter line (I believe). I am extremely disgusted at this advertistment; the black model has her back faced to the reader whilst all the white models are facing the vieweralbeit for the 4 who are masked, including the black one!) Now, I am not a professional analyser for fashion but this advert reeks race. It is interesting that they chose to have a black model with her back to us but yet it is so relevant in an ironic way; black models are few and far in between with the exceptions not given as much editorial work simply because their dark skin does not appeal to the mainstream. Is Ferreti making a personal statement, by trying to shock the fashion industry with her constrasting use of black and white in print ? I would have to disagree. The black model here looks like she is blending into the background, unimportant and as usual, the fashion industry does not believe that a black model can carry an editorial all by herself, she has to be accompanied. And for me, that is why this advert's stench of race is too much; using the black woman as a canvas to sell clothes to white women is not PC but in the fashion industry, there are clearly different rules...

On a cheerier note, Happy Birthday Mr.P ~ hope you have a great day!

~A

3 things to respect...

1) People who can write in a fluid, lucid and thoroughly compelling way; so many writers aspire to achieve that yet so few can actually stand up when called. Zadie Smith for me is promising, her debut novel 'White Teeth' was excellent and in my opinion she succeeded in the aim mentioned above. If you haven't read it, pick it up - you won't put it down.

2) Those who stand defiant against the system and march to the beat of their own drum; great example of this is the French ice-skating dynamo, Surya Bonaly, who was 5 time European Champion and the only Black woman to achieve this. In the 1998 Olympics, she did an illegal back-flip which put her in hot water. One of the youtube.com commenters summed it up perfectly - 'it was the equivalent of a middle finger in ice-skating'. I say why not? Do your thing and you can check it out below:

3) The determination and sheer guts that some people have. It leaves me speechless. For example, certain rural women of Kenya who created their own village near Samburu tribal land to escape their menacing husbands. The village is called 'Umoja' which in Swahili means 'unity'.

3 isn't a big number but it's quality not quantity -- I just felt moved to give some credit where it's due.

~A

edit your feelings...

In the world of conflicting problems between the genders, a court martial must be issued ~ but I'm not your average plaintiff, so mine is with a twist. For a start, it wouldn't be in a standard military courtroom. It would be in the lush savannah of the Serengeti (lol, I am not advertising Tanzania, I promise!). The judge and the jurors? If you picked the cheetah, you are correct; they'd be quick to get a reach a verdict and trust me, that is exactly what I need.

The defendant is that man that many women know very well: he'll charm the life out of you, you'll find yourself under his spell wondering how he did it, you get butterflies whenever you see or speak to him, everything is rosy when he makes an effort and your friends are practically sick of seeing you look like you just found out the secret to eternal bliss when they are drowning in their love-related misery.

The attention slowly diminishes and you find yourself having withdrawal symptoms. You don't want to seem extra and all up in his face but why is he being so...neutral all of a sudden? After all, you didn't chase him - he was the one with his skates on for you. Okay fine, so he isn't your boyfriend but the feelings you have are mutual and from how he acted towards you, you just assumed that you were a top priority. But you know, I can hear the defendant's lawyers making bare noise already about how you aren't his woman so you shouldn't be shooting your mouth off and coming across like a clingy b!tch because he has his own life and he has his boys to attend to and anyway, are you even giving him some? But to answer you lawyers, no I am not and it so isn't about that or is it...?

I haven't decided what sex the cheetah judge is but if it was a woman, I am certain she'd be on the plaintiff's side after all, she knows how the plaintiff feels being in no man's land and uncertain of what is going on between them. Yet if it was a male cheetah, the verdict would undoubtedly side with the defendant. This dichotomy in the courtroom is as intense as that of man and woman. I don't think any woman could go as far as to claim that they know what a man wants so why the hell did the hypocritical anti-Semite Mel Gibson think he knew the answer for women?

Maybe the sick beauty of both sexes is that we don't understand each other; someone needs to create a platform for mutual understanding because girls agonise over this too much and boys hardly ever...right?

~A

p/s -- sorry for any generalisations but I am so fired up today!

are you trying to patronise me?

People make me laugh when they think they have one up on you. I am sure you know what I mean; it can range from that smug look that gleams from their face to the pseudo-sly comments that they utter hoping to pierce you in some way.

Scenario that happened yesterday: So I am just explaining this visa issue as he asks why I am not there yet.

Him: Because you are Tanzanian?
Me: Apparently so...
Him: I bet that's the first time you have had a visa refused in your life...
Me: No, not really
Him: (chuckles sarcastically)

That man thinks I am a spoilt, selfish and over-privileged girl who has everything done for her; at the end of the day, continue thinking that because that comment of yours won't make me cower in the background but it does raise one interesting question -- why do some people have hostility towards other people just because they have the wrong impression of them? So what if they have had a different childhood to yours -- does that mean you are better than them because you feel that they are spoilt and don't know struggle like you? Is the definition of struggle universal and same for everyone? Conversations like the one above used to prick me and I would agonise over that shit for hours when I was younger - it proper tormented me but then I realised that people will always project their insecurities and issues onto you. It is just best to bounce them back -- afterwards, I just ignored his following comments, after all, silence is the best weapon.

~A

woes...

This year abroad is like an assassin - I am its' target. Unfortunately events occured which mean that I am back in Bristol (sadly). They wouldn't give me a visa when I arrived to get one even though I was given the impression that I would get it. Visa troubles are so depressing because even trying 2 apply in advance is impossible as months before, all the days are booked up. I was told by the officials that because of my nationality, I have to wait two weeks instead of receiving it on the same day which is common practice for most people! I am feeling dejected as term starts at the university on 4th september and (hopefully) the earliest i'd get there is the 14th or 15th of september...

Someone console me please -- why are embassies mean?

~A