Musings from Martinique

and she packs her bags...

2007-01-01T21:38:00.000+01:00

Me and Blogger have broken up. Come over to http://charcoalink.wordpress.com - this time I will be focusing more on what i love to debate which is just anything from race, to music and topics of the day. Please change your links because I will no longer be coming to blog on Blogger.

Blogger, it has been fun while it lasted but you have to fix those bugs :)

Just want to thank the following for visiting this site and come over to my new yard at Wordpress! (In no particular order)

-Peggy B
-Avin
-Jules
-Field Negro
-Audrey
-Fitena
-La Bella Noire
-Mahndisa
-Malik
-Maz
-Slim

Thanks for supporting me in Martinique and now march on to the future!

~A

the year is almost ending...

2006-12-30T09:05:00.000+01:00

Saddam Hussein was executed at dawn local time in Iraq. The dictator is dead. He was an evil man but Bush's foreign policy on Iraq was undoubtedly a failure. The President of the USA may try and bask in his execution as something positive and something that his country created by itself. I have a feeling Bush will try and saturate himself in it and that is not the point. It shouldn't be about ego, it should be about the Iraqi people's new beginnings. Prove me wrong George!

Politics hangs as a shadow over our lives and will continue to do so because it is just an elements so important to our survival. I don't know what implications his death will have on us but something tells me the consequences are going to be big whether in a positive way or a bad way. I was watching the BBC this morning and they said that the US embassies worldwide are on high alert. The moment he died is going to be a testing time for the Allied Forces so security needs to be seriously tight because anything could happen as far as I am concerned.

What are your reactions? I think his half-brother was executed too. Iraq has now got a 'new beginning' superficially and I hope that they finally get the chance to live in their country and rule themselves without Bush's colonial eye looking over them.

~A

''don't tell me to shut up''

2006-12-29T19:49:00.000+01:00

Every night, the thought of going to work just fills me with dread like every other person in this crazy world! When my mobile phone alarm rings, I just know that I am going to be running to catch 2 buses which are never on time all to go to work. Now, of course the world runs on the thought that product = service.

Mrs X, I will do my best to help you but please do not try and shout down on me on the phone - I am just the lonely middlewoman - the real sharks are at the top ! Go to BBC and get a tv camera and take them down. S'il vous plait, do NOT shout at me like I am your little child who throws flour all over the kitchen floor to spite you because Madame, I did not come from your womb which means you cannot shout at me. Simple. As. That.

Mrs X, telling an operator to hush her/his mouth when they are trying to help you has its' consequences: one would be tough London gangster assigning me to destroy your china collection (which of course I would do better than any little rank and file soldier).

I cannot actually believe that people can be so rude but so are the ways of the world right? I put the phone down on Mrs X and it felt great!

~A

P/S - Have a good weekend everyone! I am going to see Deja Vu tomorrow with my older man husband Denzel Washington. He is too *delicious*

and what about the women?

2006-12-20T22:40:00.000+01:00

The murders of 5 prostitutes in Suffolk, England have prompted an outcry from the public and of course the media are spewing out their best epithets (Suffolk Stranger, Ipswich Ripper etc). It is an absolutely crazy situation but it has got me thinking about a woman's safety. It was terrifying watching as the bodies piled up and tragically one of the women was pregnant when she was murdered. The maniac who is killing these women must be stopped - that is obvious. Yet what isn't so obvious to some people is the fact that because they were prostitutes, there is almost a false type of security from some women, believing that he or she is only targeting prostitutes. True, these women were drug addicts and became sex workers to support their addiction but we have to ask ourselves: do we as society let some people fade away because they made the wrong choices? I am in no way judging their families and friends who most likely tried so hard to claim their loved ones back. My question is to the general public -- when will we stop kidding ourselves that it only happens to other people?

These women are fallen angels, robbed of a second chance by some sociopath who will most likely show no remorse. It does raise interesting questions about prostitution and whether it should be legalised in the UK. I am no expert so I can only voice my opinions. Women as creatures are vulnerable anyway let alone walking the dark alleys at night, hoping to see multiple Queen's heads folded on banknotes in the early hours of the morning, after a night of empty sex. These women must be protected, not slammed for making the wrong choice.

The clock is ticking and the culprit is most likely basking the glory of being talked about. I hate that I am adding to it but I felt compelled to write about this which has been claimed as one of the worst serial killings in the UK for decades not to mention that they were all completed in less than a fortnight.

~A

code red!

2006-12-08T20:47:00.000+01:00

Dear Racist,

You think you are clever. You think that what you say is like liquid gold. Excuse my sneer as I type: I hardly think making a statement such as ''((music of black origin??? (if it's black why are all your "stars" rapidly becoming white????) more like music of cuntphlap origin. just fuck off and listen to tounami diabate.'' makes you clever, smart or patriotic. In fact, it makes you a complete idiot. I can't be sophisticated with my words on the topic of you because you are absolutely pathetic. Did you know that your beloved genre of rock music had its foundations built on the music of black americans such as Jimi Hendrix who most people agree is the best guitarist who ever lived...oh and by the way, he is black just incase you forgot when you were reading Q, Mojo or Kerrang. Furthermore, your usage of the word ''gwarn'' is from Jamaican Patwa which in this case is an English-based Creole originally spoken by the black slaves of the island so they could all communicate with each other because they were from different African tribes. You may use it in a different context but simply it coming out of your mouth darkens your voicebox significantly or does it because if I am using it in the wrong context please please correct me after you fill out your membership form for the British National Party.

Racist, you have to admit that seeing crazily talented black footballers such as Thierry Henry ruling the English Premiership must hurt you. I know it does. But I suggest you take a gap year to get over yourself because the United Kingdom is ethnically diverse and will remain so. Every ethnic minority in Britain ranging from Asian to Syrian has the right to legally live here if they enter legally. I know I did so you better love it because we are all here to stay and I will love rolling up in your own town owning it as mine because I know in my heart I have more white friends than you would ever dream of having. But that doesn't mean I want to be white as you believe that black music stars do or even as black people in general as I am sure you think but were too scared to write. It just means I respect people who are cool to me regardless of their colour. This isn't intended to change you. I couldn't care less about you or your insignificant life. All that matters is that racism is stamped out. You never know, your ancestors may have been a dark Moor or a mixed race Welsh woman (Shirley Bassey, is she related to you? she is black and you have the same cafe au lait skin as her...but hold on, she is pretty so I take that back!)

Live it and Love it,

~Furious

the end of the road...

2006-12-01T13:08:00.000+01:00

I am leaving tomorrow. I can hardly believe it. My short sejour which during the long days drove me nuts yet gave me so much joke during the good ones is at an end. What have I learned from this French West Indian island?

1) Always have Martinique stamped on your clothes in some shape or form! This can be achieved by wearing Martinique shirts which go for 25 euros each. It ensures your integration into an island in which the postal code of Martinique, 972 represents the island better than its actual telephone code, 596.

2) If you are a woman, don't even try and roll with the boys because you will be seen as a 'salope' faster than Marion Jones can run in the Olympic Games. Further advice to women: don't wear high heels on campus unless you want to be stared at as if you are Thierry Henry's girlfriend.

3) The only anthem that can be blasted from your car stereo here is Chamillionaire's 'Rollin' so if you even have a different taste of music to that genre, cancel your ticket to Fort-de-France!

Don't take any of the above too seriously lol. I am feeling very wistful and nervous about leaving my island. It has become ingrained in me already but I know it is time to leave. I am going to Barbados for the weekend then back to Bristol to commence preparations for Paris because non-immigrant aliens like me lol have to suffer for those visas!

The name of this blog will change once I arrive in Paris but as for now, it will change into my own presonal blog with what is going on in the life of a student trying to learn the impossible language that is French. England is sure to have many crazy stories so keep your eyes on this page...

I don't want to reflect on leaving Martinique as I feel so sad but leaving this place means those who want pictures will see them soon...if they are lucky.

World Aids Day -- Keep fighting.

A

you cannot be serious!

2006-11-16T14:19:00.000+01:00

Well well well...Looks like those 'masques' that Fanon discussed in his book should be applied to certain students in the university! Making racially charged comments in a country which is has wounds created by race is not a smart move. Simply because you cannot enter into the university because you have moved out of halls does not mean you can abuse the guards. It doesnt matter how much alcohol you have consumed. It doesn't matter how many drugs that you think make you cool that you have swallowed. You simply cannot abuse guards and say that they basically have a slave mentality because they work for someone! And you especially cannot say that if you are white and the guards are black! Lord, people, I think some people left their brains at the Parisian airports before they got connecting flights to Fort-de-France. Yes, someone ACTUALLY said that. There was a party and him and his friends couldnt get in because it was very late even though he was a university student, the guards here are automatically suspicious of men trying to come in late at night. But of course he felt like he had to drop an atomic bomb -- well done sweet heart! You are lucky that they were on duty because your face would have been blended into the tarmac of the road. Do you want to know how that would have been done? Yes, darling baby boy, you would have been steamrolled!

I cannot believe the stuff that comes out of people's mouths especially people who seem to be open-minded and have come to an ethnic country to learn more about its' culture. Does it pose underlying questions? I dont think so. It just shows that only one label can be applied: counterfeit.

~A

the island of pregnant women!

2006-11-14T17:01:00.000+01:00

Pregnancy - for some that word conjures dread and fear yet for others, it is a new lease of life and the beginning of a new chapter. While I am definitely not ready for children yet, I think women who give life are amazing individuals especially in terms of nurturing their child. But my days, all the women I see these days in Fort-de-France (a capital of 100,000 people!) are all pregnant ! I am not joking - I think I saw at least 10 pregnant women and of course, that is nothing compared to the population of Fort-de-France, it got me thinking a lot about the position of the mother in society.

In Martinique, there are many non-married couples despite the fact that this is a strong Roman Catholic island. The reason for this apparently is because divorce is seen as a label of shame in the same way as 'A' for Adultress is. This has been blamed for allowing men to have multiple children by different women (but in my humble opinion, I think if a man wants to cheat and impregnate elsewhere, he'll do it regardless of whether there was a ring on his finger or not). Despite this, the child is the centre of society in this island - his or hers laughter is smiled upon and beaches arent necessarily full of tourists but mothers playing in the sea with their children. Children here have such a carefree existence because they are encouraged to be children, instead of wanting to grow up to quickly and wear makeup at 10 or 11 (which is too common in the UK).

However, underneath this sheath of happiness, the mother struggles. There is a saying in Martinican society that a child is bien né (well born) if it is lighter than its mother. This not only shows much about division between black people but shows a great deal about how a child is encouraged to surpass his or her mother in order to succeed. It gives me to impressions that the Martinicans who believe in this are people who do not have any self-esteem and will let society dictate to them how their children should be seen. Furthermore, it is an unwritten rule here for women to grudgingly accept their boyfriend or husband's potential infidelity unless he hasn't done it already. It poses interesting questions such as:
-- Will traditional societies create room for change or do we as women even subconsciously like these traditions?
--If a woman is submissive, does that make her less of a threat than a women who goes against the grain?

I don't know if I am sounding coherent but women's issues especially in the West Indies intrigue me greatly because of the similarities I see with Tanzania and African in general. I hope I haven't come across as a male basher but the men out there, make yourself heard ! I might seem like the queen of generalisation in this post but it is to get the juices flowing!

----- Off topic but on the weekend, I went to Montagne Pelee, Macouba, Basse-Pointe and Grand-Riviere of which are all in the North of Martinique. From the fishing village of Macouba, you can see the glorious rugged nature of the island of Dominica. Lonely Planet better employ me because I have morphed into a trekking girl!

It has been a good few couple of days, boosted by nice Guadeloupians and safe St.Lucians and St.Vincentians.

~A

it is all kicking off like the world cup final!

2006-11-06T14:34:00.000+01:00

Surviving as a girl in Martinique is hard work! The men and their pervy stares and how the older women watch your every move like a hawk. Yet the most unnerving part of being a girl here is interaction with your fellow female peers. Case in point: a few weeks back, my friend and i were looking for a classroom that didnt exist! (The campus looks like an abandoned construction site). When a cleaner was telling me how to try and find this phantom room, a girl bumped into me and i turned and said "Pardon" - she then gave me her best "i'm badder than you so you better respect me and not bump into me stare". It was pretty average but the message was clear: don't try and mess with me. I do not understand behaviour like this for one simple reason: why do strangers try people that they dont know? Girls in general love doing this because it is all about superiority and not getting left behind so you have to assert yourself. I went to an all girls school for 7 years so I am aware of the bitchy stares and attitudes. I watched her back and that was that but it got me thinking about why most girls tear each other to pieces simply with their eyes. Is it because we are insecure or is it because we don't want anyone to take the piss out of us? I'd appreciate thoughts on this from the girls and the boys too...

Another funny note about the pseudo-gangster personalities here: there was a party on campus and of course, people were grinding and having a good time in a small space where 'zouk' music was being played. Some guy accidentally bumped into this one guy and the other guy pulled out a knife to shank him! Wtf! It is a campus party, you KNOB! The party was stopped of course but the boy remained defiant, thinking that he was being taken the piss out of or whatever. I was told this story by a good friend and it made me think: is life all about image or does immaturity of boys such as this ensure that people's fun is ruined?

My time in mq is almost over people! Term ends on the 27th so time is now limited...but so much hype happens in a week here so I am sure the news will keep flowing before I fly back.

~A

keep on...

2006-10-28T15:38:00.000+01:00

News escalates here in ways you cannot imagine! Apparently 2 years ago, there were only 2 foreign students who came to the uni on an exchange -- they were interviewed on local radio! My friend and I were at a bookshop in Fort-de-France trying to see how many actual English magazines we could find, whilst we spoke, a man sharply turned and stared me out. I politely said "Bonjour" and he replied but still confused as to why he heard English. That was a few days ago... I finally made my way up to Saint Pierre (Beautiful town full of ruins from volcanic eruption) and it was a relaxed day full of walking around and taking in the sights or so I thought. I was looking for the area where the minivans to go back to Fort-de-France were but was walking around like an old woman, searching with no luck. Then I hear a man shouting at me, I take my headphones out and see the same man from the bookshop! He was in a car, trying to coax me to come in with him. I politely declined and asked him if he knew where the minivan stand was but of course he didnt anwser the question and continued to ask if he could get to "know" me. I again politely declined and he told me he could take me to FdF. Do men here think women were born yesterday? This type of chirpsing happens everywhere but it is unnerving how older men prey on young women with hungry, searching eyes...feminists, form an alliance please lol!

Term ends on the 27th of November and next week it is Toussaint (All Souls Day) so it is a holiday on the 1st and 2nd of November. I cannot believe how fast the days are going, it feels like one big blur but chaos shall descend on me soon enough once I leave this island because it means suffering to try and get a French visa for Paris in February!

Those Martinique pictures will arrive...one day!

~A

just laugh...

2006-10-24T15:15:00.000+01:00

Mq is just a cornucopia of pseudo-sarcastic jokes - case in point yesterday night: I have become pretty good friends with this brilliant Guadelupian girl. She is hilarious and always gives me a knock when she is around my halls. She came over yesterday for a chinwag and when I saw her in the corridor, I greeted her and this complete idiot boy came around the corner and mimicked how i said 'salut, ça va' to her. He knows I dont speak French and he knows I am a foreign student and I have been nothing but nice to this little wannabe thug gangster. I know how stupid it sounds because he is the immature one but I thought I escaped pathetic boys when I was 14 but mq has proved me wrong! The majority of students are sad like that because they think it is funny to rip the shit out of someone. It made me feel like an idiot because I have only been here a month and it has taken some adjusting to trying to speak this language when I have Swahili, my native language and English swarming around in my head. My question from this is where have all the mature MEN gone in this campus?

I went to Fort-de-France today to see if I can get this picky head of mine done and my days, it is expensive to get your hair braided or weaved up here ladies! Just buying human hair is 20 euros and getting a weave done is 80 euros for a full head so already you are probably spending 130 euros which is about £100 ($200) for hair! I miss the days of being in Bristol and P doing my hair for free!

On a good note, I met some cool Haitian people last week after this nice girl braided my hair. Really laid back and intelligent people not obsessed with image and I was pleased that some people actually wanted to talk 2 me and not give me quizzical looks like I wasnt cute enough 4 them !

I am not really into the beach scene and Mq's beaches are okay but the ones on the indian ocean are better lol. I am planning to go to Saint Pierre this weekend - it used to be Mq's old capital but a volcanic eruption in 1902 killed everyone in the town except for a 1 person, a convict who was protected from the lava by his cell. It apparently has an eerie and mysterious feel to it so that sounds interesting. I also got my cultural sugar high last Friday when I found this brilliant musuem of ethnography in Fort-de-France -- enriching information about an island that appears shallow but beyond the pseudo thug wannabes, it does have an interesting sheath of worthwhile information.

The scene is getting brighter and I have found nice diversions however there is always that calm before the storm as they say...

~A

ipods and french computers dont mix...

2006-10-18T18:16:00.000+01:00

I have been trying frantically trying to put my pictures on this blog but for some reason the French computers of which I have been forced to use do not want to show the gorgeous ones. So my friends, I am afraid you will have to wait a little longer -- sorry! I am only here for a term and term here finishes in December so the pictures will be bountiful. I am off to Paris for the second term in January and hopefully things will be better then!

1° I was looking for a cultural and social experience; I wasnt naive enough to think I'd be fully integrated but I did hope for there to be interest in foreigners as the world is not an island! But I have been bitterly disappointed in terms of what has happened. I am starting to think that some people have less interest talking to me and make more of an effort with the English and German people. I am not sure if it is because of the Afro-Caribbean rivalry but I do feel invisible these days so it makes me feel dejected about trying to make the effort to talk to people.

2° Last week was a highlight because I wasnt in MQ! Went to see Mr.P in Barbados -- the best fun I have had in a long long time and new light has been shed on the Caribbean for me -- lol, it is all about the anglophone islands where people dont have a haughty attitude! Beautiful island...but when I returned to Martinique, the airport officials get so damn arsey and love to know when you are leaving their island as if you are going to clog it up or something!

3° I am currently reading this book called "Peau noire, masques blancs" (Black skin, White Masks) by Martinican luminary, Frantz Fanon. He was a doctor but just decided to start writing and what powerful writing he did - this book is controversial in its approach but eye-opening in how it discusses race relations in terms of the Black man and Black woman against the social slavery of which they are imprisoned in the Caribbean.

4° My feelings of this place are mixed...I am disappointed in many ways yet at the same time I am glad I came because my eyes have been opened so much in terms of learning about the French West Indies. I do give everything benefit of the doubt but since being here, I have become like vapour, invisible to the naked eye. Does that make me sound melodramatic ? maybe...but I know different -- it is difficult here in terms of integrating and every day feels like a struggle. I feel like no one wants to talk to me. I am even wondering why I am here since I get asked frequently "Whats an African girl doing in the Caribbean?" with sly looks...And to be honest, I do not know anymore...

~A

foreigners beware...

2006-10-05T15:15:00.000+01:00

Being 6000 kms away from my family in England and Tanzania means that me and French telephone boxes have become best friends -- no joke. I have been on the phone so much that my ear has become part of the receiver and it isn't because I am homesick, it is more like the amount of stories that happen each day just get too much!

Here are some questions I would love someone to answer so get your brains in gear and I'll award phrases of merit and distinction for the best answers:

1° - I am the phone talking to my girl in London and there is no doubt that me and her become loud and feisty when we share our stories. The Marts in the corridor death stare me then purposefully talk over me and start saying 'yes' loudly just to counter me...I know that you are already agreeing how pathetic it sounds because I couldnt believe it myself. So the question is why do people feel the need to try and suppress you if they think you don't fit the mould? Later on, I learn that apparently women here do not speak loudly because it is not done thing. Anyone else got better answers because when I was told that I had to laugh -- no one tells me what to do and if I want to speak loud so be it, it is a public area and my little voice was being drowned out by Marts anyway ! As pathetic as all this sounds, it is the norm in halls here.

2° - Why do some boys think that by blatantly ignoring you that you will then feel the need to speak to them? I am not paranoid, trustb me but one guy did that to me the other day when he knew I was foreign and I was talking to my English friend in the corridor so he comes and steps right next to me and speaks over my head like I am a tiny column part of the furniture.
Get those answers people cos it makes me speechless at how nursery the people are here!

3° - Jules, remember you saying about how black americans were taken the piss out of in Barbados, well here most Mart boys idolise a dichotomy of the stereotypical black american image that is associated with rap. When we were on the beach, some boys started to chirpse my friends and when they saw that they werent having it, one of the dropped a gun and wrapped it up in an American flag -- again, the way people here are so fake and pretenders is unbelievable! On my way to church one sunday, I saw this car that had fake bullet holes painted on it. That just highlights the essence of the typical Mart boy here -- globalisation or does this department of France want to create its own identity ?

There is a strike going on so lessons have been cancelled today. I have so many stories about people but so far today's post is focusing on the boys of this island because they really have to be seen to be believed.

Keep your eyes open for those pictures!

~A

french froideur in the caribbean?

2006-09-28T19:47:00.000+01:00

I finally arrived. Audrey, I am sorry the update has taken years but the amount of rubbish I have had to deal with since getting here has been of EPIC proportions (the internet connections here are non existent n there is hardly any at uni n i dont even have a net account at uni as i have to wait 10 days for it to be activated! so am at an internet cafe at the moment)

The observations I have made since being here for 12 days are mixed and are as follows:

1° Martinican heat is the metereological equivalent of the electric chair! Weaking your spirit as well as your body. I fainted whilst coming back from church my first sunday here as the heat here is worse than african heat in the sense that it is humid and not dry!

2° Martinican people are a mixed bag of M&Ms -- i'd say most of the ones i met have been extremely extremely cold and i have tried to mix with locals and students but people here don't seem interested in getting to know other people. Maybe they are suspicious but there have been times where they have been so blatantly rude and literally laughing at you just because you are different to them. Then they have been the odd gems who are so lovely and honestly I have only met 3 or 4 people like that out of many people...

3° The race situation here is very prickly and rooted deep in pain. I have a lot more on it but there seems to be a dichotomy of severe hate towards white people mixed with a suble, subconscious reverence of white people which manifests itself in the racism amongst black Martinicans with some light skinned people feeling superior to dark skinned ones. One Martinican woman told me that sometimes light skinned people get served before dark skinned ones in shops yet the feelings of blackness here are so deep and strong.

4° The towns of Schoelcher and Fort de France are contrasting mixes of tranquility and hustle and bustle. The uni is situated in Schoelcher but everything is in FDF. My camera is acting up today but I will soon have a post full of the sights of the island for your viewing pleasure!

5° The men...lord...the ones who the foreign girls at uni have met have been persistent perverted and their attitudes are completely messed up in regards to women; they fully believe they are within their right to call u 'putes' (whores) on the road if you don't like them back. It is so crazy over here in terms of safety; women arent free to roam around and once the sun sets at 6.&(pm, all women are inside and for good reason, Fort-de-France is known to be one of the most dangerous towns in the Caribbean.

My head is like jelly all over the place and I have so much to say but so far those are the big observations I have made for the first 12 days. Tell me what you think and the pics will be up soon! Sorry it has taken ages but net here is like looking for a needle in a haystack!

~A

disturbed...

2006-09-09T13:03:00.000+01:00

I am a passionate lover of fashion. So that is not entirely new in a young woman but for me, it isn't just buying clothes in your local shopping centre, I simply love studying clothes on people whether it is in magazines or the street and seeing how they define people. What you wear most of the time defines who you are. If you like something, you'll put it on. Now, that brings me onto my point of being disturbed by the state of mainstream fashion today. I was flicking through my monthly supply of fashion magazines (annoyed at how the fashion spreads are just completely lacking these days) when I saw this advert:

Alberta Ferretti is a female Italian fashion designer who shows at Milan Fashion Week. This is an editorial advert for her Autumn/Winter line (I believe). I am extremely disgusted at this advertistment; the black model has her back faced to the reader whilst all the white models are facing the vieweralbeit for the 4 who are masked, including the black one!) Now, I am not a professional analyser for fashion but this advert reeks race. It is interesting that they chose to have a black model with her back to us but yet it is so relevant in an ironic way; black models are few and far in between with the exceptions not given as much editorial work simply because their dark skin does not appeal to the mainstream. Is Ferreti making a personal statement, by trying to shock the fashion industry with her constrasting use of black and white in print ? I would have to disagree. The black model here looks like she is blending into the background, unimportant and as usual, the fashion industry does not believe that a black model can carry an editorial all by herself, she has to be accompanied. And for me, that is why this advert's stench of race is too much; using the black woman as a canvas to sell clothes to white women is not PC but in the fashion industry, there are clearly different rules...

On a cheerier note, Happy Birthday Mr.P ~ hope you have a great day!

3 things to respect...

2006-09-07T18:16:00.000+01:00

1) People who can write in a fluid, lucid and thoroughly compelling way; so many writers aspire to achieve that yet so few can actually stand up when called. Zadie Smith for me is promising, her debut novel 'White Teeth' was excellent and in my opinion she succeeded in the aim mentioned above. If you haven't read it, pick it up - you won't put it down.

2) Those who stand defiant against the system and march to the beat of their own drum; great example of this is the French ice-skating dynamo, Surya Bonaly, who was 5 time European Champion and the only Black woman to achieve this. In the 1998 Olympics, she did an illegal back-flip which put her in hot water. One of the youtube.com commenters summed it up perfectly - 'it was the equivalent of a middle finger in ice-skating'. I say why not? Do your thing and you can check it out below:

3) The determination and sheer guts that some people have. It leaves me speechless. For example, certain rural women of Kenya who created their own village near Samburu tribal land to escape their menacing husbands. The village is called 'Umoja' which in Swahili means 'unity'.

3 isn't a big number but it's quality not quantity -- I just felt moved to give some credit where it's due.

edit your feelings...

2006-09-06T14:19:00.000+01:00

In the world of conflicting problems between the genders, a court martial must be issued ~ but I'm not your average plaintiff, so mine is with a twist. For a start, it wouldn't be in a standard military courtroom. It would be in the lush savannah of the Serengeti (lol, I am not advertising Tanzania, I promise!). The judge and the jurors? If you picked the cheetah, you are correct; they'd be quick to get a reach a verdict and trust me, that is exactly what I need.

The defendant is that man that many women know very well: he'll charm the life out of you, you'll find yourself under his spell wondering how he did it, you get butterflies whenever you see or speak to him, everything is rosy when he makes an effort and your friends are practically sick of seeing you look like you just found out the secret to eternal bliss when they are drowning in their love-related misery.

The attention slowly diminishes and you find yourself having withdrawal symptoms. You don't want to seem extra and all up in his face but why is he being so...neutral all of a sudden? After all, you didn't chase him - he was the one with his skates on for you. Okay fine, so he isn't your boyfriend but the feelings you have are mutual and from how he acted towards you, you just assumed that you were a top priority. But you know, I can hear the defendant's lawyers making bare noise already about how you aren't his woman so you shouldn't be shooting your mouth off and coming across like a clingy b!tch because he has his own life and he has his boys to attend to and anyway, are you even giving him some? But to answer you lawyers, no I am not and it so isn't about that or is it...?

I haven't decided what sex the cheetah judge is but if it was a woman, I am certain she'd be on the plaintiff's side after all, she knows how the plaintiff feels being in no man's land and uncertain of what is going on between them. Yet if it was a male cheetah, the verdict would undoubtedly side with the defendant. This dichotomy in the courtroom is as intense as that of man and woman. I don't think any woman could go as far as to claim that they know what a man wants so why the hell did the hypocritical anti-Semite Mel Gibson think he knew the answer for women?

Maybe the sick beauty of both sexes is that we don't understand each other; someone needs to create a platform for mutual understanding because girls agonise over this too much and boys hardly ever...right?

~A

p/s -- sorry for any generalisations but I am so fired up today!

are you trying to patronise me?

2006-09-02T11:33:00.000+01:00

People make me laugh when they think they have one up on you. I am sure you know what I mean; it can range from that smug look that gleams from their face to the pseudo-sly comments that they utter hoping to pierce you in some way.

Scenario that happened yesterday: So I am just explaining this visa issue as he asks why I am not there yet.

Him: Because you are Tanzanian?
Me: Apparently so...
Him: I bet that's the first time you have had a visa refused in your life...
Me: No, not really
Him: (chuckles sarcastically)

That man thinks I am a spoilt, selfish and over-privileged girl who has everything done for her; at the end of the day, continue thinking that because that comment of yours won't make me cower in the background but it does raise one interesting question -- why do some people have hostility towards other people just because they have the wrong impression of them? So what if they have had a different childhood to yours -- does that mean you are better than them because you feel that they are spoilt and don't know struggle like you? Is the definition of struggle universal and same for everyone? Conversations like the one above used to prick me and I would agonise over that shit for hours when I was younger - it proper tormented me but then I realised that people will always project their insecurities and issues onto you. It is just best to bounce them back -- afterwards, I just ignored his following comments, after all, silence is the best weapon.

~A

woes...

2006-09-01T10:48:00.000+01:00

This year abroad is like an assassin - I am its' target. Unfortunately events occured which mean that I am back in Bristol (sadly). They wouldn't give me a visa when I arrived to get one even though I was given the impression that I would get it. Visa troubles are so depressing because even trying 2 apply in advance is impossible as months before, all the days are booked up. I was told by the officials that because of my nationality, I have to wait two weeks instead of receiving it on the same day which is common practice for most people! I am feeling dejected as term starts at the university on 4th september and (hopefully) the earliest i'd get there is the 14th or 15th of september...

Someone console me please -- why are embassies mean?

~A

...it's almost here

2006-08-27T12:56:00.000+01:00

The accomodation office at the university I am going to be going to still hasn't got back to me. Imagine you are wrapped blindfolded and you are made to walk towards your firing squad as opposed to them aiming their barrels at you -- that is exactly what if feels like. I have written numerous emails and sent them everything yet in return, I just receive annoying Bank statements and not that confirmation - it might as well be the Grail to me. My worst case scenario is arriving there and going to the accomodation office and me being turned away! If they do that, I will buy my first ticket to the land of rejected exchange students.

I am going to London tomorrow to try and fix the big messes I am in and I'm flying to Paris then Martinique (hopefully) on the last day of August (why is there NOT a direct flight from London? British Airways, get on it or I'll write to Mr.Branson). This is most likely going to be my last post until I reach the capital of Martinique, Fort-de-France so wish me luck! I'll be updating the blog as soon as I get my hands on Internet (and it sure won't be the French version called Minitel!)

~A

Beyonce & her Broken Heart ?

2006-08-25T13:08:00.000+01:00

Beyonce - Ring The Alarm (Full Video) (08.15.06)

I'd like to hear any opinions on our favourite or unfavourite Bouncy Knowles. This is her new track video and she looks absolutely crazy and ridiculous! I do like Beyonce - bought her first album but what is with the constant craziness of looking like she is locked up in a cage? The army get up is nice though!

I better integrate!

2006-08-24T14:36:00.000+01:00

I have returned back to the hills of Bristol and England's dripping weather after a cool fortnight in Kenya & Tanzania (btw, the weather there was gorgeous!). But there is trouble brewing here and it is has everything 2 do with Martinique > I still haven't got a visa and like Tacha, I have a severe case of cold feet. I just feel so...unsure. Throwing yourself in a foreign country where you don't speak the language or know the customs is scary > what if I committ a serious faux pas and everyone anoints me as the social outcast?

Lol, okay, so I am being slightly melodramatic but I am real worried. Martinique is 6000kms from Europe and will take 12 hrs from London to reach >> those beaches better make me melt! I was told by a certain someone that the people in Martinique are known 2 be slighly unfriendly. The Panther tells me that Caribbean people are friendly though and it is a generalisation 2 assume all people are horrible etc. But on the whole, even if you live abroad or the country of your birth, is it just me or does anyone see how unfriendly as a human race we are?

Sometimes when I go into a shop with friends or family, deep looks from certain people in there just make the atmosphere a bit too intense> it is a place of commerce, not a changing room! Why do we immediately assume that someone we don't know deserves a death-stare instead of a smile?

I am not saying all Martinicans will be unfriendly but I am the kind of person who will be nice 2 anyone who is nice 2 me and I'll make an effort 2 chat 2 people but none of this running around after people rubbish. That is when people think they can steam-roll over you and I am sure not being flattened. for NO ONE.

On an even scarier note, the accomodation office said that we will only be given temporary accomodation before we have to find our own flat there. We can only stay in the temp accomo for 3 days or so! It is going to be disorientating but a challenge and the latter is good for character building (*rolls eyes at herself - i sound like a pseudo-motivational speaker - ignore me*). I just hope we are given nice rooms, not plush like something Nicole Richie is used to but you know, something to live in! All those tortured artists can do with living in dumps but I sure as hell am not counterfeit to pretend that I dont like the feel of hot water!

~A

Identity

2006-08-17T21:22:00.000+01:00

Why of why do people who do not know you try and label you? We live in such a categorical world but it is a shame. I don't understand why some people just cannot quit in judging peolpe and trying to make them feel inferior and simply to get a rise out of them. What is the point in that? Why don't you just worry about your own business and make that cushy instead of mine? Someone answer this riddle for me please!

I wrote this poem, just out of a whim, it isn't personal as such or it could be. I'd like to hear some opinions on it if anyone reads it (I dont have a name for it yet):

In their mouths, sambo and bounty exist as air does
the sharpness of these words pricks me, the emotional pain
of the insult hurting more than the blood and ever-present as the scar.

In their minds, I hate our sepia skin and crave the flesh of the opposite
In their hearts, they think I am a copycat, on the prowl for someone else's culture
In their eyes, I have many names: uncle tom.wannabe.
So many labels...yet only one name represents me: Black

Blogger is so annoying btw!

~A

Heathrow: The Aftermath

2006-08-13T18:58:00.000+01:00

Where do I start? Where to begin? I had the unfortunate luck of being at Heathrow Airport on the 10th of August when all the craziness happened. If you havent heard about the attempted terrorist attacks on multiple planes, then you have been living underneath a rock. It was manic, chaos and unbelievable. I won't try and bore anyone with my story of how it was an awful day and missing flights and lost luggage but what I will say is those terrorists need to sit down and think for a minute -- what is the purpose of killing innocent souls? Fine, so you are trying to make a point but WHO CARES? We all suffer whether it is in a big or small way. I know the political climate today is very intense but we are all allowed to have opinions. For me it isn't about religion or disenfranchised youth or even about racism -- it is about ego and power. Everyone is fighting to be on top but it does not have to include children and families going on holidays or returning home. I know the world has anti-British and American sentiment on the whole and I am not British but after being there that day, I have seen that it isnt America or Britain's govt that will suffer, it is the poor families at home of the victims that suffer.

At least Scotland Yard got on it and foiled it...just in time

Generalisations are the bane of my university life!

2006-08-08T11:37:00.000+01:00

While waiting for the long train back to the hills of Bristol from my day trip in London (which was brilliant!), I went to WHSmith to get some reading material (I need to join Fashion Magazines Anonymous - I am addicted) and I bought a black hair care magazine as this girl's hair needs constant TLC and attention. Flicking through and there were some cute hairstyles here and there, then there was a section of fine men giving their opinions on what kind of woman they liked and what kind of hair. Some DRY newcomer called Jovan-something-I-wanna-be-Chris-Brown was asked about his hair. He said that he used to always get it cornrowed yet that was boring him now as he hated sitting down. But since he spent lots of ''effort'' getting his hair done, he expects the same type of treatment that his woman should do. Then he just put himself up for Cardinal sinner of the YEAR when he said that he loves to see ''long hair'' on the back of a woman because it's exciting to see what she will look like on the front!

Say it with me -- he is a complete and utter Troll. What the hell is his comment supposed to mean? So I guess stunning women such as Nia Long and Halle Berry's short pixie haircuts make them not as attractive as say Donatella Versace who isn't exactly the most bodacious Italian babe? Men truly do confuse me sometimes. I don't care if people think everyone has their tastes etc because that is true, I am not refuting that. What really winds me up is men who judge based on appearance like that! So a woman with short cropped hair isn't as pretty as a woman with long hair? I have heard through some biological sources that long hair is associated with fertility but it is completely foolish to judge that a woman will be pretty from the back simply because she has long strands of hair.

And for the record Jovan, you are an idiot because cornrowing is a traditional African style for Girls, not Boys, yes, my friend, it is for your female counterparts and if you ever came to my homeland (Tanzania) with those braids on your head, you would be looked at like you were less than a man and a girly man so Jovan, what would you think if my mum generalised you? (which she would simply to see the crestfallen look on your face).

p/s -- train stations in england are freezing cold. here's a note to the owner of paddington train station: find a heater and put it in there!

Postcards...

2006-08-05T12:50:00.000+01:00

When I told a relative about how I was going to write a blog for the year abroad, that person wondered why I was writing it now since I had not yet gotten there. As I explained that I was trying to build anticipation and vent about how I was feeling about it, the person still just...did not understand. In the hope of creating understanding, I informed the human being that it was to document my preparations for it, the person replied by saying that it looked like a postcard... So much for support but it seems like sarcasm & bite is the cocktail du jour amongst blood relatives these days! I may not be fluent in HTML but this isn't a damn postcard thank you very much; it is just an attempt to try and reach out to people who are in the same situation as me, people who are terrified and excited about going to a foreign country and live there. The last thing I need to hear is about how the graphics aren't exactly great -- is that person trying to hint that I should leave university and start designing postcards for Borders and Waterstones?

Families can bring so much joke and confusion in one intense conversation; sometimes I wonder if in some hypothetical world where reproduction does not exist and families ties are invisible, would we actually like the members of our family? Cynical, maybe and off-topic from Martinique, definitely but the words I heard from that person have my brain going into over-drive.

Bottomless Pockets

2006-08-04T13:31:00.000+01:00

A good Samaritan told me to get a Medical Certificate for Martinique as I would be stuck at home doing no activities otherwise (French protocol is as tight as the hanger's noose). I decide to brave the hills of Bristol and make my way to the Student Health Service, hoping to walk out of there with the piece of paper in my hand (call me anti-sick but I hate the smell of the doctors).

''You'll have to pay £13 for the standard certificate of health''

Before I get bombarded with people saying the NHS needs money and £13 is nothing etc, let me just say: I don't want to hear it. It is an institution that was created to help people therefore it should do that and provide support. If 13 year old girls can get abortions for free (correct-me-if-I'm-wrong), then what about people who just want a piece of paper saying that they are healthy? Is that too much to ask?

I'm not angry at the secretary, she needs to eat and if reciting those painful words means she can afford a can of Coke, good for her however that does not take away from the fact that this country is putting its' long arms into students' tiny pockets and making sure that we are sucked dry. Don't forget the presence of tuition fees people -- those 17 year olds are members of the poorhouse even before the ink on their UCAS form has dried and not to mention international students who pay what Paris Hilton would pay for a handbag.

Maybe I am too much of a complainer but that is what university does to you...

~A

Emails & Mosquitos

2006-08-03T11:33:00.000+01:00

I do not think I am the only person preparing for the year abroad that HATES the uncertainty that the organisers just exude. They proclaim 'If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to ask' but oddly enough your inbox is empty besides the the spam emails about implants, frozen bank accounts etc. Is it so much to ask to actually have a faint idea about what the hell is going to happen to you?

However, the Panther told me the Caribbean vibe is cool & laidback and here is one reason for me to be calm in Martinique:

(T is apparently a Martinican boy...jealous anyone?)

Just as long as Thierry Henry doppelgangers keep me away from this hench, troll-like thing then la vie est belle.

2006-07-30T15:36:00.000+01:00

Martinique. That is the country I chose for the year abroad: all people who do language courses at university know the pain that I am talking about. Some people are damn excited about their year abroad yet others stomachs churn with fear;I am definitely part of the latter. What is it going to be like? Will it live up to the picture postcard that it appears to be or am I just too cynical ? Will I catch jokes? All these questions are unanswerable at the moment seeing that I am still in the West Country but hopefully this blog will get those questions answered as life at the University of Antilles-Guyane unravels in September.

Lol, I bet no one is going to read this but for all my foreigners living abroad and students trying earnestly to speak foreign languages - Bonne Chance!

~A